A friend told me to make a list of all the things I do well and I said, "I can't think of any" do we ever think we do anything well? I could write a list a mile long of all the things I fail at daily, most of the things I should not have done and all of the things I don't like about myself. Find something I do well, that is asking the impossible. I love my girls, but do I do that well? Probably not, could I be more patient, absolutely, could I play with them more, YES, could I love them more, NO - they are the two people I love without boundaries. I hope they love others without boundaries. I haven't learned how to open myself to others without boundaries. I look at others that have done this and think it is incredible, but I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to be vulnerable and I don't want anyone to be so close to me that they have the power to break my heart. I want that for my girls, I could be a better teacher, can they learn that from other people, I am fearful they will never learn that from me.
This same friend told me I should make a list of the qualities I would look for in a partner, a mate, the person I would want to spend my life with, to be a Man in the lives of my girls (not to take the place of their Father, but to add to their family). A list I said, no one likes me, I don't need to make a list, I have failed miserably at relationships, what good does a list do?
So, here I will go, making my lists, the first of one may very well be empty, the second way more than I think exists in anyone person. Honesty, Integrity, Laughter, Joy, Love.........