How many mistakes can I possibly make

I make mistakes everyday. I can't seem to stop making them. I need to cut certain people out of my life, yet for some reason can't seem to do that either. Why do Married Men prey on Divorced Women? Why did I do the one thing I have always said I would never do? I want to tell him to leave me alone, to go back to his perfectly pretty life with his perfect house and perfect yard and perfect cars and I am sure perfect wife and leave me alone. Yet, I don't say this? Why? I don't want to be mean, it makes me feel like I failed at something yet again. It is nice to think someone actually cares about you, but at the same time you know they really don't. I am a Jump Off, I am lonely and most of the time I am scared. So, I cling to the improper, the wrong, the worst thing I have ever done. Does it make me feel good? NO Maybe I am punishing myself, maybe it is b/c I never feel worthy and like the unavailable b/c it is safe for me, maybe it is just b/c I don't think anyone will ever love me and/or like me again. Am I a horrible person, probably not, just have made a lot of mistakes and will probably will continue to make them. That does not make me a bad person, it probably just makes me a person.